ABC's That You Should Read

I recently received an email from Amazon's automated campaigns.  It was the "Top Ten Books" of 2010 so far.  And, after looking the list over, I realized that Amazon cared nothing for me.  No, I was just another no-name to that whore of a book dealer.  None of these books were anything I had interest in, nor would call "best".  I'm sorry, but when a "top ten" list includes anything by James Patterson, I feel that my opinion is just.  (James, if you're reading this and you ever want to chat...call me)

I wanted to do a Top Ten list for you readers, but how is that possible?  My top ten will differ greatly from your top ten, there's no doubt.  Rather than tell you my opinion, I'll go a different rout: My ABC's of lit.  I've selected a book beginning with the first letter of the alpahbet, gone through A to Z, and come up with a list of books you should at least crack the cover on.   I realize that some of these will be books that you've read.  However, fear not, I'll bet you'll find one or two you've not heard of.  Sneak a peak at them.  You deserve to be pampered.

A - A Night in the Lonesome October by Roger Zelazny.  Roger Zelazny was one of the best guys writing at one time.  It was a sad day when he passed.  While I love the Amber books - and thought about including them here instead - I went with this choice.  It's really a light little book, and I adore it.  Told through the eyes of the pets of such icons as Jack the Ripper, Dracula, Frankenstein, it harkens of a YA Lovecraftian tale.

B - Breathers by S.G. Browne.  Yes, it's zombie fiction, but it's zombie fiction for the whole family...sort of.  Correcting some of the wrongs of films like "Shaun of the Dead" and "Fido", Browne really writes the perfect zom-com.  Fast paced, funny as all get-out, and solid storytelling.

C - Carnageland by David W. Barbee.  It's literally a videogame in novella form.  There's not a whole lot more I can say about it than that.  Funny, horrifying, and instinctively makes me jerk the imaginary controller upwards.

D - A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore.  Not much to explain here.  If you've read Moore, you've no doubt read this one.  Why this Moore?  Well, I just love the characters and the premise so much more than other ones.  Minty Fresh still makes me giggle.  Those little dead animal hybrids are freaky and weird, too.

E - Escape from Five Shadows by Elmore Leonard.  A lesser known western by Leonard, but a solid ride.  In fact, this is a western that harkens some of his grittiest crime fiction.  Man is framed and sent to a labor camp that nobody has successfully escaped from.  But, Corey Bowen is ready to die trying.

F - Florence of Arabia by Chris Buckley.  I'm a sucker for Chris Buckley, and "Florence of Arabia" was one of the most polished.  Yes, "Thank You For Smoking" is the gem everyone gravitates towards, but this one is a tougher feat.  Afterall, Buckley makes Middle East politics funny.  The "Florence" in question, opts to set the Arabians right and liberate their women...via women's television.

G - Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.  I'm not going to spend much time talking about this one.  You've read it or you haven't.  And if you haven't, you should.

H - Honey Don't by Tim Sandlin.  Tim Sandlin is marvelous writer.  He shifted gears a bit when he put this one out, and I don't mind, because it offers continuous laughs.  Sandlin, not known for political comedy, sells this premise so well.  And there's a Bill Fitzhugh nod, which ain't too bad.

I - Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palhniuk.  Not Chuck's best work (that accolade goes to "Lullabye", "Survivor", or "Choke"...take your pick) but I think his most unique.  This was the voice of Palahniuk that I loved.  Plus, you can never have too many books with drag queens and half blown off faces.  Just sayin'.

J - Jingo by Terry Pratchett.  One of my favorite (if not my favorite) Discworld novels.  This one takes the game "jinks" (in Discworld known as jingo) to new heights.  Y'see, here when you yell Jinks, you typically just have to buy some one a soda.  Jingo, however, means you go to war.

K - King Scratch by Jordan Krall.  The Authors Speak is a fan of Krall, yes.  But that's not why he made the list here.  Hands down, this is the strongest Krall has been.  I loved his previous works, but there is something more polished about this piece.  You should read it.

L - Lord Vishnu's Love Handles by Will Clarke.  Will Clarke's biggest crime is that he's not put out anything new in a bit.  While I didn't like his sophmoric book, "The Worthy", I really adore this one.  It's a spy novel...sort of.  But, it's every bit funny.  From the blue guy in the Indian restaurant to the indictments on Disney.  By far one of my favorite reads from a few years back.

M - Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way by Bruce Campbell.  Don't be fooled.  This is a novel.  Though, had it been an informative book on Campbell's love making tips, I'd have bought it.  In this fiction, Bruce is a character.  So is Richard Gere and Renee Zellweger.  And what's with the hatred from a studio exec?  I, personally, couldn't stop reading it...or laughing.

N - Native Tongue by Carl Hiaasen.  My favorite Carl Hiaasen book.  His fourth novel tackles, not all that subtley, Disney politics.  In this book, a theme park that's a hybrid of Disney and SeaWorld falls victim to eco-terrorism.  Featuring Hiaasen's wit (at a level it's not been at in a while) and his signature character, Skink, this one delivers the goods.


O - Orange Crush by Tim Dorsey.  Continuing the crime wave in Florida, we turn to Dorsey, who is also an outstanding Florida crime writer.  "Orange Crush", the third in the series (but first chronologically), almost robs directly from Carl Hiaasen.  It doesn't.  It juggles Florida politics withouth stealing what's already been done.  And, it's the first one where Serge isn't prominent.  Or is he?

P - Princess Naughty and the Voodoo Cadillac by Fred Willard.  99.9% of the people I speak to have never read Fred Willard.  No, this is not that Fred Willard.  On the contrary, Willard was one of the greatest crime novelists of the 90's.  And then he vanished after only writing 2 books - "Down on Ponce" and this one.  Any fan of Elmore Leonard should do themselves a favor and snag a copy of either of these.  They really are that good.

Q - Quitters, Inc by Stephen King.  Okay, it's a short story.  Still, this is the representation of what Stephen King used to be.  It's Vintage Horror.  And, I miss that tone in the "master of the macabre"'s voice these days.  Quitters, if you've not read it, offers some grandioso ideas on how we may be able to reabilitate Lindsay Lohan for good.

R - The Ruins by Scott Smith.  Obviously I'm a fan of horror.  When Scott Smith put this one out, I figured it would be intriguing, but not scary.  Smith's not a genre author.  I stand corrected for having that thought.  The Ruins is tough tale to get through, but it offers genuine scares and an underlying sense of dread.  The movie, whil adapted by Smith, isn't horrid, but nowhere near the dread of this one.

S - The Shroud of the Thwacker by Chris Elliott.  When Chris Elliott began writing books I was a little ambivalent.  Once again, I love to stand corrected.  The Shroud of the Thwacker takes a stab at Patricia Cornwell's Jack the Ripper book.  The tone, though, stays light throughout.  We have everything you need in a Victorian mystery - mistaken identity, thwacking aplenty, bodices, and time travel.  Chris Elliott even makes an appearance himself.

T - The Terror by Dan Simmons.  Yes, "Drood" is good.  I'm not hating on that one.  However, "The Terror" was excellent.  Inuit lore, fractured history, and strong pacing sell this one.  I remember reading is and actually growing colder by the moment.

U - The Ultimate Drive In by Joe Lansdale.  And, yes, I'm cheating a little bit with that one.  It's a collection of Lansdale's "Drive-In" pieces.  Which is not a bad thing.  It's a good thing. 

V - Villa Incognita by Tom Robbins.  Is Tom Robbins capable of writing a bad book?  Well, I suppose.  But bad Robbins is like pizza...it's still good.  After a hiatus from the craft, Tom came back swinging with this tale of veterans that stayed behind, romance, and a god named Tanuki who possesses a powerful, massive scrotum.

W - World War Z by Max Brooks.  Do I need to say anything about this one?  One thing I'll offer, try out the audiobook of this one.  The cast is superb - Henry Rollins, Carl and Rob Reiner, Jurgen Prochnow, Mark Hamill, Alan Alda, and so many others - and there's something about the "radio drama" that makes this concept work.  If you've not read it, it is a concept piece, but works throughout.

X - X'ed Out by Charles Burns.  This will not be released until October, but after sneaking a peek at it, it's worthy of your hard-earned dollars.  Seriously harkens to the old EC Comics, and is a nice welcome bizarre chapter to, what seems like, a grand new series.

Y - Y: the Last Man by Brian Vaughan.  Yorick is the last man alive after a plague wipes out all the males on the globe.  But, hey, life isn't that bad.  He's got a smokin' hot girlfriend and his pet monkey.  This is Brian's first chapter in the series that has more than 8 books.

Z - Zerostrata by Anderson Prunty. A fairytale for grown-ups, Prunty shifts gears from grizzly horror (which he's great at) to a little more emotion.  This tale is about love, but aren't all fairy tales?  And, wandering about the pages, the imagery is very dreamlike/dreamscape, but never dips into the weird realms of most bizarro.  A definite purchase.

There they are - 26 books that you might want to invest in.  Hands down, some of my favorite books of all time.  But, that's just my opinion.  Everyone has ideas about what's good, bad, or just plain rotten.  As always, I welcome your opinions.  Tell me what should be on this list.  Send me your list.  I'm not opposed to posting honorable mentions.

Tomorrow we have our interview with #1 New York Times Bestselling Author Ridley Pearson.  I'm going to ask him why he and Dave Barry have been wearing eye patches and posing as pirates, but I've never once seen them in those Peter Pan tights.  We'll also chat about his newest Walt Fleming novel that came out this week. 

Until then, keep reading.