The Authors Speak: Bradley Sands

Bradley Sands is a very twisted soul.  I've said that about numerous people in the past, and I always do so in a light-hearted joking manner.  Actually, Bradley is a genius, but his writing may make you think of him as a twisted soul with a penchant for decadence.

There are a lot of hardworking writers doing the craft today.  Sands is no exception to this rule.  Besides scribing two wonderfully wicked books - "My Heart Said No, But the Camera Crew Said Yes" and "It Came From Below the Belt" - Bradley has about 4 in various processes right now.  He teaches.  He's the editor of the literary journal "Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens".  He's a pioneer of the bizarro movement.  And, he may be one of the funniest guys out there.

Genius like this needs to be probed, and that's just what I did.  I felt the urge to enter his absurd, Matrixesque mind and see what nuggets I could snag.  We find out a little about his preferences in porn, how ADD may affect reading, and why he just can't stop busting down the door and eating all the chickens.

Eric Mays: Bradley, thanks for taking a little time to answer some questions. You’re kind of a twisted perv, aren’t you? (see I went straight for the jugular…not all the questions are that direct).

Bradley Sands: Thanks for having me, Eric. But I’m going to have to disagree with you here. My taste in internet porn is very conventional.

EM: I had the privilege of reading both “My Heart Said No…” and “It Came From Below the Belt”. I know you’re really immersed in the bizarro genre, but I’m thinking that your fiction may have also created a new A-D-D genre. Thoughts?

BS: I don’t think so. My writing is more like an artificial recreation of having ADD than an actual representation for the disorder. I may change subjects at a rapid pace, but I spend an extremely long time to craft each sentence. And I think readers with ADD would have a lot of trouble following what is going on. My readers need to be active rather than passive to appreciate my books. So I suppose it’s the opposite off ADD writing, while at the same time, embracing randomness. If you want to get pretentious, I guess you can call it a simulacrum of the ADD experience. My intent is to have each sentence bring delight to the reader. If they are to choose any random sentence in the book and read it, they should experience enjoyment. No sentence should be dull and exist solely to advance the plot or build character. I’m not the first author to write this way. Mark Leyner and Steve Aylett came before me. I don’t know of any other authors who write this way and do it well. Although there are some great authors, such as D. Harlan Wilson, who are similar, but not as extreme. But I don’t write this way anymore. My process has changed. So this style only appears in the two books that you’ve mentioned, along with a novella in an upcoming collection, Disappointing Sophomoric Effort. And I may not be immune from the occasional dull sentence for the purpose of plot or character.

EM: Besides your books and stories, you also edit and maintain “Bust Down the Door and Eat all the Chickens”. How did this come about? I know on the website you call it a “place for stories that didn’t fit in”. Is this like a combine for the Oliver Twists of the story world?

BS: I met a strange man in a library that looked like a space station. He sold me a copy of the first issue of Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens. I liked it. Later, he asked me if I wanted to take over as the editor. Since he had only published one issue, it wasn’t a very significant part of his life. And no, it is not a combine for the Oliver Twists of the story world. It’s a test tube for the sexual juices and eggs of the stories who never belonged to a clique in high school.

EM: I know your submission process is closed currently, but as the editor, are there any things you want to say to those who bombard you with a barrage of submissions. You’ve got the floor, Bradley!

BS: Stop being boring. If your story content is entertaining, make sure it’s the same for your prose. Make it playful and fun to read. Spend a lot of time on it. Focus on its musicality. If your prose already meets this criteria, but your content is boring, then we have the same problem. I get a lot of stories that have great content and are well written, but the prose is extremely mundane and it reads exactly the same way as many of the other stories which I receive. Usually, these kinds of stories come from authors who are published by genre fiction magazines. On the opposite side of the fence, I get a lot of stories with great, highly-stylized prose writing, but dull content. These usually come from authors who get published by literary fiction journals. Now, if you are able to combine great content with great writing, then I will be likely to publish you. Although don’t send me a first draft. Unless a story is absolutely fantastic, I’m way too lazy to put a lot of time into editing it.

EM: At last year’s BizarroCon, I had the privilege of witnessing you read AND witnessing your Ultimate Bizarro Showdown performance. After reading your work, watching you read, and seeing that performance there’s a point where my brain stops and says: “What the fuck did I just read/see/witness?” It’s weird. Part of me says it’s pure genius, Bradley. Part of me says it’s a sure sign of insanity. Which is it? Are you pure genius or pure insanity?

BS: I’m pure genius, because I have a gigantic ego when it comes to my writing (and low self esteem regarding every other aspect of my life). And the Ultimate Bizarro Showdown makes me feel more comfortable about “experimenting” with things that I have never done before performance-wise, which I would not do in another venue. So this year, I will try something different like I did last year. As far as reading my work in public, I do that fairly conventionally, but I try to put some energy behind it, unlike most authors whose monotone voices put me to sleep.

EM: Actually, I’ll take the genius route because you’re a teacher. Tell me a little about you teaching style. Are you molding writers into little bizarro authors?

BS: I’m more like a “student” teacher because I’m in grad school and have taught all of my classes on a volunteer basis, except for one, which I was paid $250 for. Regarding my style, I try to teach my students everything I have learned during my many years of writing, editing, and reading. I haven’t mastered the art of lecturing yet, so I use class discussion as an alternative. And follow the workshop model whenever possible, where the students take their peers’ work home, read it during the next week, and come back with their critiques and prepared to discuss each piece. I often do detailed line edits, which tend to look like war zones, so I’ll address my criticisms in class before giving my edits back to the students so they’ll know what to expect and not be absolutely horrified by the amount of marks I’ve made on their manuscripts. I feel like being a student in a writing class is a shortcut to becoming a good writer. Otherwise, it will take a bit longer. And I don’t think I’m molding my students into bizarro authors, but I’ve introduced them to the work of some of the literary scene’s predecessor’s and a few of the authors of the scene, including Samuel Beckett, Daniil Kharms, Russell Edson, Ray Fracalossy, D. Harlan Wilson, Sam Pink, and Steve Aylett. I’ve also taught the recent prose poetry of James Tate. My students tend to enjoy these authors, and as you can guess, I usually teach classes on reading and writing absurd and surreal lit.

EM: You’re a writer, a teacher, an editor-in-chief. You’re bound to have a take on the publishing industry right now. After all, Afterbirth Books, who is publishing one of your releases, just recently announced they were shutting down. Where are we headed?

BS: I don’t have enough time start a publisher right now, and I’m not sure if I will ever start one. My opinion may change, but I’m just not interested in doing it. Although perhaps I’ll work for a publish one day rather than start my own. I think being in charge of a literary journal is the most responsibility that I can handle. Plus I need the extra time for my own writing and so I can find practical ways to pay my rent.

EM: If you could “bust down the doors” would you really go for the chickens first?

BS: No. I don’t know what I would go for. I do not like eating live chickens.

EM: Wait, I just figured it out. You’re really a bear. I thought it was Garrett Cook, but it’s you isn’t it?

BS: After seeing Garrett Cook read his teddy bear detective story live, I find it impossible to visualize him in human form. I always imagine him as a teddy bear in a trench coat and a fedora.

EM: For those that have not read you, Bradley, tell our readers why they should pick up a Bradley Sands book. Go on.

BS: Because otherwise I will murder them? Just kidding. Jesus Christ, Eric Mays, this is a tough question. I’ll give it a try: Buy one of my books if you possess a sense of humor, one that appreciates things like Monty Python, various other modern (surreal/absurd) British comedy shows, Airplane and other movies like that, and the Marx Brothers. Buy it if you are bored with most modern lit and it is difficult for things to hold your attention. Buy it because you want to read something unlike anything you have ever read before (I know this is a claim you hear a lot, but in this case, it’s probably true). Lastly, buy it if you want to be surprised many times throughout the course of a single page.

EM: For those fans that you’ve got, I’m giving you a magic wand right now. Demand something of them and we’ll try to make it happen.

BS: Please pay off all of my college loans. And if you refuse to do this, telling your friends about my work is the next best thing.

EM: The obligatory questions: What’s next? Sounds like a lot.

BS: I have three books that are scheduled for upcoming publication:

Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy – A prose poetry and short-short story collection, being published by Lazy Fascist Press. They are new and I don’t know if I’m allowed to reveal any additional information about them at the moment, so I won’t.

Disappointing Sophomoric Effort – Intended to be my second book, but it didn’t work out that way. A novella collection featuring the same protagonist, who is a bookstore detective. Afterbirth Books is supposed to publish it.

TV Snorted My Brain – A novel which is a modern day retelling of the King Arthur story and the quest for the Holy Grail. King Arthur is a nerdy wannabe anarchist while Camelot and its surrounding area is TV Land. Evil Nerd Empire is supposed to publish it.

Also, I’m finished with the first draft of a novella called Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You and I’m about to start editing it. The book is about an actor who loses his sanity, thinks he’s the character he portrays in a popular action movie franchise, and goes on a rampage through Hollywood.

My thesis semester is coming up in the winter, and I’m planning to write a children’s book for it. It will occur in a world governed by nonsense, like Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz, and The Phantom Tollbooth. And unlike most children’s books, I will subvert the black and white dichotomy of good and evil (I don’t know if I phrased that correctly, but you know what I mean, I hope). I don’t want to say anything else about it right now.


Take care, Eric! It’s been great.

Bradley Sands is a tremendous talent.  He's one of those "little guys" who may not get as much exposure as your James Pattersons or John Grishams, but he's a helluva a lot more fun to read.  Trust me.

Next week, we'll have Michael Spradlin with us.  For those of you playing along at home, yes, Michael was going to be here this week.  However, we had to bump it to next week, so for any trauma we've caused, we're sorry.  Michael Spradlin is the author of the numerous YA books, but most notably the book of Zombie Christmas Carols! 

So, until then, keep reading.